old goat

if I could be any animal in the world it would be a Peregrine Falcon. they can reach speeds over 200mph and have excellent hunting skills. swift, majestic, fierce.

however, if I were actually an animal I would be a goat. they can eat themselves to death simply because they are gluttons. they love food and won't stop eating it until their stomaches actually explode. there is a bowl full of chocolate covered craisens in our counter. or should I say there was a bowl of chocolate covered craisens on our counter. I think I ate 50 of them today. eww. I made Anna promise me she would make me work out tomorrow.

my thanksgiving was quite pleasant. it started out like a pile of poo and then I took a walk with Bebe and talked it out by the ponds. she listened intently. wagged her tail at all the appropriate times. in general let me know that I was not alone and there was someone there to understand. me scratching behind her ears had nothing to do with it, I am convinced. small beauties...I never want to take them for granted, and that morning I soaked them in with relish. thence the day took on a brighter shine and I went back inside to be surrounded by family, friends that are more like family, and adopted family. I love that. we did puzzles, played games, ate delicious food, talked about what we were thankful for and  sang the goat song while doing dishes. hmm...I don't know why this goat theme keeps re-occuring. weird.

OH and I just remembered that Anna and Kiki labeled me the 'old goat' one sleepover because I wanted to go to bed and they wanted to stay up and talk all night and...it stuck. they still call me that. it's rude, but I love them. I think something like 'peregrine' would be far more suitable. or at least, it's something to aspire to, ha.

happy thanksgiving! :)

happiness

the cold night air rushed at me and I was beginning to lose all feeling in my legs. I breathed in and smiled contentedly to myself inside my helmet. the stars were out. my fingers were numb. and I could not have possibly been happier. all was quiet except for the drone of the motor and the sound of air moving out of our way. no one to talk to. no problem to figure out. nothing to do except for hold on and enjoy the ride.
I want to spend the rest of my life on the back of a motorcycle.

put your dancing boots on

forget cats and dogs. the rain was coming down in the form of a herd of elephants. I knew by the time I made it to the barn to put the dog away I would be soaked, regardless of how fast I was going, so I walked. slowly. I was already in my pajamas and was about to go to bed when mom poked her head in my room and informed me that bebe was still outside (she barks incessantly if not put in her kennel at night) and I needed to go remedy the situation.

so here I was...with a raging headache, tired out of my mind, in my pajama pants, with rain [elephants] pouring down on me. I called and called for the canine to come to the barn but alas she was on the porch and I had to go get her and bring her back to the barn. needless to say, I was quite wet. it was just not a good time. and THEN something happened. right in that moment I was at a Y in the backroads of my mind. I could either be miserable, or I could dance in the rain.

I chose the latter. I spread my arms wide to the falling torrents, lifted my face into the dark night sky, and began to jump and spin around (which was as close to dancing as I could get with muck boots on). then I started to sing, 'gotta keep your head up, oh-ohhh, and you can let your hair down, yeah-eahhhh'. and that's pretty much it because I don't know the rest of the words, BUT it made me laugh at my ridiculousness and from there to my silly 'problems'.

I plan on dancing in the rain wayyyy more often.

engine light

I got in my car, started it, then stared angrily at the stupid engine light that was still on. I was sort of wishing that little glowing symbol was just a up-way-too-late mirage from last night. but no, it was daylight and it was there for real. it still is actually. I should prob go check that out. I'd so much rather ignore it and see if it goes away.

I stare at my floor. it's covered with strewn clothing. I wish that would go away too. I used to be so organized. everything had to be in its designated place and I would get so mad at Anna if her side of the room was messy. then somewhere down the line we got our own rooms. hers is clean. mine is messy. I don't know what happened.

a mile long: the list I of things I should be doing right now. instead I went through my facebook albums and looked through all my pictures. it's weird what you've done in your life and totally forgotten about...until you see it plastered all over cyberspace. I think life is lived in little pockets of time. each one unique and frankly, strange, and then it's over and all you have is a picture. like those far-off drama camp pictures I found today. I did that?? like braces and bad haircuts and friends I thought were forever. it's weird looking back. I smile and then I want to cry and then I just want to sleep. yeah, mostly just sleep. I think that's the best way to deal with things, haha.

but do you know what I absolutely love about life? amidst all the questions and confusion and engine lights...there is beauty too. there is goodness and hope. I inhaled fresh air today. I had a dance party with a couple amazing 4 year olds. I laughed and ran in the wind and made chili for my family. and isn't that what life comes down to? those moments, even the little ones, that bring us joy? the ones where we forget ourselves (and our messy rooms) and simply enjoy each other? enjoy the air we breathe? enjoy life?

it's so easy to forget that our beating hearts are a gift from God. that we're not guaranteed a tomorrow. even if our cars break down and our jobs drive us crazy and our world goes to pot...we have a Hope beyond all that. how selfish I am. I wish I wasn't the first person I thought about all the time. now I think I'll go tell some people that I love them. I have a feeling it's going to be far more productive than regurgitating my past via facebook. and that's hard to beat. *ahem* :p